Revision February 28th 2021. Following the government’s recent lockdown reviews the likely start of our next course will be March 13th and 14th plus the last weekend in March. Because of ongoing hotel/guest house restrictions the offers of places will be made those people able to easily travel to and from the venue on a daily basis. It is now likely we will not run a course in April but will complete the next course in May starting on May 8th and 9th plus May 22nd and 23rd, thus avoiding the May bank holiday.
Zoom – pre-course support. – Is free of charge. is on Tuesday evenings from 8.00 p.m – 9.00 p.m – may run on and or on Sunday mornings from 10.00 a.m – 11.00 a.m. and may run on. To register please email stating your preference for a Tuesday evening or a Sunday morning. Pre-course support does not oblige you to attend a course. The email address for this site is firstname.lastname@example.org
This confidential helpline is open from 10.00 a.m to 12.00 a.m and 2.00 p.m to 4.00 p.m. An answerphone will cover the remaining times with a call-back available if requested . You can arrange with a volunteer to call you back or take a call from you at a more convenient time to you.
An abuser is someone who uses or has used abusive behaviours with an intimate partner, male or female. A perpetrator is someone who has been convicted by a court of being abusive/violent with a partner or former partner.
Both Parents Matter because whenever possible children need two responsibly behaving parents in their lives. Parents nearly always bring different positive aspects to a child / children’s lives.
The Office of National Statistics (ONS) statistics on DV indicate 1.4 m female victims and 695k male victims in heterosexual relationships. This implies 1 female with abusive behaviours to every 2 males with abusive behaviours, assuming a more or less equal number of Gay and Lesbian couple relationships. Professor Tonia Nichols explains here how deeply some women are involved in domestic violence. If you want to read in much greater detail about statistics Wikipedia gives you exhaustive information here:
EMOTIONS: Emotions drive behaviours. Consequently emotions need to be understood. Prof Daniel Siegel gives us this preliminary definition of the mind (The mind is a self-organising, emergent process that is both embodied and relational and that regulates, as well as arises from, the flow of energy and information within us and between us.) The link between the brain the mind and relationships is EMOTION not in the vast majority of cases a desire for power and control over an individual . It follows that you need to learn about your emotions and how to regulate them for yourself. Dr Louise Dixon points out here in this 2012 paper the underlying needs for work with females. She indicates that very similar underlying work is needed for women to that which is needed by men. Oiur experiences with more than 120 women and more than 1100 men would confirm those views. Some courts require behaviour changing work of women; Cafcass has no “accredited” programmes to which it can send a women, consequently not 1 single place was funded, compared with 909 places which were funded for men. That situation results from Cafcass colluding with RESPECT’s misplaced radical feminist view that Interpersonal Violence (IPV) is all about the exercise of male “power and control” over women. Prof. Johnson’s research indicates that even at its very worst, post separation, in 77.3% of male abusers the problem is not about “intimate terrorism.” As Erin Pizzey illustrates in this Glass Ceiling interview, here, the problems are very much more of a “transgenerational” nature, affecting both women and men. For the potentially 35% plus of abusers, women , who find themselves abusing their partner, there is virtually no opportunity of addressing their behaviours and potentially rehabilitating themselves. For the sakes of their children and for their own sakes this opportunity needs to exist.
Many individuals have had traumatic, even very traumatic histories. Often these histories impact very powerfully on how an individual responds to everyday situations and often the range of their behaviours is severely restricted or amplified because of those experiences. As you can read in Daniel Siegel’s book, The Developing MInd . Important quotes can be found on this page
About 60% of domestic violence is so-called situational couple violence. Either or both individuals involved in the couple relationship have “issues” within aspects of family life. Different situations provoke conflictual responses in either or both partners. These can range from the almost “trivial” in content and easily recognised, but very meaningful to the individual and their resulting behaviours. Changes can often be brought about quite easily. But they can also be very profound and very damaging. They may be conscious or subconscious and some need extensive help a) to recognise and b) to do something about.
There is precious little to no meaningful work available nationwide for women who recognise they have a problem with their behaviours. That is what makes this website so important when more than 35% of domestic abuse is by women, women who are often in charge of , or become in sole charge of children. The current “standard response” for females, both victims and abusers, is to send them on the Freedom Programme. Here, Sue and David comment on the first 3 chapters of the Freedom Programme. Reading on afterwards and researching just a little some comments via Mumsnet were most often that there was full praise for the content but annoyance and disbelief at the price, £10.99 for 116 pages in largish print. Reading it as a man I was disturbed by the sheer misandry which Ms Craven is prone to exhibit, “ex mis” – externalised misandry! I wondered not only at the outrage that would ensue were a man to write anything vaguely critical of a woman, let alone base a course for females abusers on a mindset which is so obviously likely to be attempting to “blame men” for the abuser’s own behaviours.
Michelle, Ian’s ex-partner in this video here got sent to prison for 7 years. The I-player link to Judge Rinder’s progamme is here.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s) and other traumatic experiences during adolescence and adulthood are frequently inter-twined in the behaviours exhibited later in life in couple relationships and also with children. In many cases they are no less traumatising to the individual than the experiences of people who have lived through wars or who have been involved in the horrors of war.
Couples often come together from very different cultures, very differnt religions and with very differnt background familial expectations. There is nothing “magnetic” about like poles attracting and unlike poles repelling – couples can have very great difficulty into adjusting towards one another in the early stages of a relationship and with babies and young children around there are enormous internal stresses on the individuals, let alone the external stresses posed by work and employment and now the virus. How to begin to cope with these situations passes very many people by!